Disclaimer: None of the X-Files characters are mine, and I didn't make any money 
from this. 
XF, M/K, NC-17 
Spoilers: None really 
Series/Sequel: #1 in the "Too much to dream" series. 
Archive: TER/MA, Northern treasures. Elsewhere, please ask me first. 
Author's notes: This story takes off late season five, with season six having 
nothing to do with it. I've given Alex an extra skill too, I thought he deserved 
it. And for this series, a certain Tunguska incident never happened. 
Thanks to Lissa for helping me give a bit of a Russian touch to the story. 
Too much to dream
by Niccie 
nordic_treasure@hotmail.com
May 1999
*************************
"Thanks for the ride, Scully." 
"No problem, Mulder. Now you make sure you get some rest this weekend. I know I 
will, it's been a rough week for both of us." 
Scully reached out her hand to stroke Mulder affectionately on the cheek. Mulder 
turned his head towards her and smiled. 
"You shouldn't worry so much about me, Scully. I'll be fine." 
"If you say so, Mulder." 
"I say so. Goodnight, Scully." 
"Goodnight." 
Mulder got out of the car and watched Scully drive off in the direction of her 
own apartment. Then he walked into the building where he lived, and took the 
elevator to apartment #42. He thought that he actually might be able to get some 
sleep tonight for a change. They had been away to Detroit for the last five 
days, following up some clues for a case that had seemed as if it would never 
get solved. It had worked out better than they had hoped though, and they had 
been able to fly home two days earlier than expected. 
The moment Mulder opened his door he realized something was wrong. First of all, 
there was light on. He had left the lights for the fishtank on, but those never 
illuminated the apartment like this. And he heard noise, coming from the TV, it 
sounded like. He already had his gun ready, and slowly walked inside. He checked 
the bedroom first. No one. The same with the living room. After a quick glance 
into the bathroom, he realized that was empty as well. Only the kitchen left. 
//Oh no, it can't be...// Standing by the sink making coffee, was none other 
than Alex Krycek. The younger man hadn't noticed him yet. //Losing your touch , 
Krycek?// 
Mulder took a few quick steps forward, and pointed his gun at the back of 
Krycek's neck, while quickly taking Krycek's gun out of its holster, and 
throwing it out of reach. He heard Krycek gasp in surprise, and noticed that he 
got all stiff. 
"What's wrong, Krycek? Didn't you expect me to turn up in my own apartment?" 
Mulder's voice was low and taunting. "Oh, it's you..." 
//What!?// Mulder felt Krycek's body slowly start to relax, which he briefly 
thought of as very strange, but quickly dismissed. 
"Who else would it be?" 
Krycek chuckled. "You don't honestly think I'm the only one breaking in here, do 
you? There are bugs all over this place. Do you think they walked here by 
themselves? Don't worry though, they're gone now." 
"So, shouldn't you have been more careful then?" 
"Nobody's perfect, Mulder..." 
"Considering what business you're in and the fact that you're still alive, I'd 
say you're at least close to perfect in some senses." //Did I actually say that? 
Oh God, I did...// 
"Gee, thanks Mulder. I had no idea my skills were that impressive to you..." 
Krycek laughed, and for a moment Mulder noticed that he liked the sound of it. 
//And now you think he's got a cute laugh. What's wrong with you?// 
"You know what I meant. Just shut up, will you." 
"Whatever. You're in charge here..." 
"What?" 
"You're pointing a gun at me, Mulder..." That laugh again. 
"And since I'm doing that, don't you think that you should just *maybe* be a bit 
more scared ?" 
"You don't wanna kill me..." 
A simple statement, but more true than Mulder cared to admit. 
"I should though." 
"Why? You know by now that I didn't kill your father, so *that* revenge thing 
should be out of the picture." 
"Why not then?" //Why do you even ask? You know what his answer is gonna be, and 
you're probably not ready to hear it./ 
"Because you like me, Mulder." 
Krycek's voice was strangely sincere, and he didn't sound as cocky now as he had 
done up till then, just...wistful. Mulder, who would normally slam Krycek 
against the nearest wall at a comment like that, just felt awfully tired. He 
knew exactly what Krycek was talking about, but no way was he gonna give in. 
"What are you really doing here, Krycek? Just tell me and then get the hell out. 
Or did you come here to kill me? If so, it seems like you'll have to wait for 
another chance." 
"For someone so bright, you do seem to be lacking a few braincells sometimes, 
Mulder. I don't wanna kill you, I never did. Do you honestly think I wouldn't 
have done it by now then?" 
"I guess..." 
"Look, Mulder. You know I'm not gonna hurt you, and...it's a bit uncomfortable 
with that gun to my neck. Could you remove it? You can still point it at me if 
that makes you feel good." 
Mulder hesitated for a while, then dropped his gun and put it back in its 
holster. He took a few steps away from Krycek, then told him to turn around. He 
did slowly, and for the first time in months Mulder saw the face of the man that 
invaded his thoughts at all times possible, and impossible. Krycek looked 
slightly different this time though. He had obviously been beaten up rather 
badly not too long ago. 
"Who did that to you, Krycek?" 
Mulder tried to sound casual, but inside he was upset that someone had changed, 
although temporarily, Krycek's angelic features like that, let alone touched him 
at all. Not that he hadn't done it himself a few times. 
"Just someone who would probably regret it now, if he was around to do it. I 
told you I took away the bugs. It's not like they didn't notice. They sent a guy 
over here to take care of it, and he managed to overpower me for just a few 
seconds but, well... I don't like pain. It makes me angry. And I don't have to 
tell *you* what anger can do to you, do I? And don't worry, they won't be coming 
back for a while. If ever." 
"You had to kill him, did you? You couldn't just beat him up, the way he did 
you?" 
"Not my way of doing things..." 
"Of course not." 
There were a few moments of silence before Mulder spoke again. 
"What are you really doing here, Krycek?" 
"I've been staying here the last few days. I knew you were out of town, and I 
needed a place to stay. You weren't supposed to come home till Sunday." 
"Is there anything in my life you don't know about?" 
"Not really, no... Look, Mulder, can we sit down?" 
Mulder motioned towards the living room, and they both sat down on the couch. 
"So, why did you come *here*, of all places?" 
"I like it here..." 
Krycek leaned against the cushions, looking very comfortable, although Mulder 
could trace some uncertainty in the younger man's eyes. 
"I can't imagine that it would be safer for you to stay here than anywhere 
else." 
"I didn't say I needed somewhere safe to stay, just that I needed somewhere to 
stay. I get tired of motel rooms sometimes. And there is no such thing as a safe 
place anyway." 
"Don't you have a place of your own?" 
"Yeah, in St.Petersburg. I'll go there later this year, but I have some business 
to finish here first." 
"And what business would that be...?" 
Mulder sneered at Krycek, who, Mulder noticed, briefly looked a bit sad. As if 
it mattered to him what Mulder thought. Then he looked down before he spoke. 
"Just the usual... Look, Mulder, we all have to make a living, alright?" 
"Yeah. And we all make our choices in life, don't we?" 
Krycek didn't answer that. Instead they sat in silence for several minutes, and 
Mulder suddenly noticed that his apartment looked a bit different from when he 
had left it. It was...clean. His books were neatly placed in the book shelf, and 
the usual layers of dust were nowhere to be seen. He looked down at the coffee 
table, which was usually sticky but was now shining. //What the hell?// Mulder 
got up from the couch and walked towards his bedroom. There were no books laying 
around on it, and the bed was properly made. He looked at the floor. Clean. 
//What's going on here?// Mulder headed for the kitchen, walking by Krycek who 
still sat on the couch, looking a bit puzzled. The sink was empty. When he had 
left, there had been at least three weeks worth of dishes to be made, now there 
was none. And the kitchen table was shining as well. Mulder walked into the 
living room. 
"Krycek! What the hell have you done to my apartment? And why?" 
"You're a slob, Mulder. I just cleaned the apartment up a bit. I hope you don't 
mind? It'll be back to normal in a few weeks, I'm sure." 
"So I live in a pigsty. That doesn't explain why you felt you had to clean 
things up. Besides, I kinda always pictured you as a slob as well, Krycek." 
"Well, that just shows how little you know me, Mulder..." Krycek's voice was 
barely above a whisper. 
"What was that?" 
"Nothing... Look, I just couldn't stand the thought of living in 
this...this...mess. I like order, okay?" 
Mulder looked at Krycek, contemplating what he had said. He *had* heard Krycek's 
comment about him not knowing him, but had pretended not to. What was he 
supposed to do, acknowledge the truth in it? A truth he knew too well he wanted 
to change. And Krycek's whole behavior told him that he had feelings for Mulder, 
feelings that Mulder returned. But how could Krycek know that? Or was he just 
taking a chance? Whatever it was, it would be best for both of them if he left. 
Things had been so much safer when Mulder was certain his feelings were 
unrequited. This was becoming an emotional mine field. 
"Look, Krycek, I think maybe you should leave now." 
Krycek stayed on the couch for a few moments, looking at Mulder in a way that he 
couldn't really read. Then he got up. 
"Yeah, I think maybe I should...thanks for letting me borrow your apartment, 
Mulder." 
"I didn't *let* you, Krycek." 
Mulder tried to sound angry, but didn't think he succeeded. Krycek looked at 
him, and for a few seconds Mulder could see just a hint of tenderness 
and...hope?...in his eyes. 
"I think you're softening up to me, Mulder." 
"Don't bet on it, Krycek. To me, you're still the rat bastard you've always 
been. I'm just not in the mood for fighting tonight, that's all." 
"Whatever, Mulder..." 
Krycek smiled briefly, then he looked down for a few seconds before lifting his 
head up to look Mulder straight in the eyes, a serious expression on his face. 
"Just...think about things, will you? I mean it." 
"There's nothing to think about, Krycek" 
But Mulder knew there was, and he also knew his resistance was falling to 
pieces. He knew he should just punch Krycek in the gut like he usually did, but 
the anger wasn't there anymore. It just wasn't there. And if they were to...? 
No. The time was wrong. Would always be. He and Alex Krycek. FBI agent and 
murderer. It was wrong. He had already told himself that, why couldn't he just 
stop thinking about it? Suddenly he felt a soft hand cupping his right cheek. He 
looked up, and saw Krycek looking at him with the most tender expression on his 
face. 
"Ty budesh moim, Fox Mulder." 
Then he drew away, picked his laptop up from Mulder's desk, grabbed his leather 
jacket, and within seconds he was gone. 
Mulder sat down on his couch for a while, then got up and looked around his 
apartment. It hadn't been this clean in ages. //I've lived here for nine years, 
and it's really only been a place to sleep and work. Krycek, murderer and 
traitor and God knows what more stays for a few days, and turns it into a home. 
Wonderful...// Mulder went to his bedroom, and for a while just stood staring at 
the bed he knew Krycek had slept in. 
He took off his clothes and sat on the side of the bed. It felt a bit unusual, 
since he usually slept on the couch, if he slept at all. He crawled down between 
the sheets, and lay his head on the pillow, then turned to sniff it. Mulder 
pulled the comforter up and cuddled with it, for a moment wishing it was Krycek 
who was there, not just the smell of him. //You're losing it, Mulder. You're 
truly losing it// 
In his car, which was parked on the street opposite of Mulder's apartment 
building, Alex Krycek sat thinking about what had happened. He felt that he had 
come closer to what he had always wanted. //Oh yes, Fox Mulder. You *will* be 
mine// He didn't know exactly *how* that would happen, just that it had to 
happen. It had to. 
***** 
"Scully, I finished the case reports Skinner asked for, you might wanna look 
them through to see if you wanna add something." 
"Will do, Mulder, I just need to read through this file first. I'm almost 
finished, then you can have a look too." 
Right then, Skinner entered their office, looking not so little exasparated. 
Mulder and Scully exchanged quick glances. 
"Agent Mulder. Have you seen Alex Krycek recently?" 
Mulder winced when he heard his boss say the name of the man towards whom he no 
longer was sure what his feelings were, or should be, but gathered himself 
quickly. 
"No, sir, I haven't." 
"When was the last time you saw him?" 
Mulder looked puzzled. The last time he had seen Krycek was when he had come 
home from his trip to Detroit, to find the man had been inhabiting his apartment 
without permission, but no one knew about that. And it had been six weeks ago. 
He usually told Scully everything that went on in his life, but how would he 
have explained it to her? 
They both had, together with Skinner, hated Alex Krycek for so long, and before, 
when he had mentioned Krycek's name, his voice and expression had not been able 
to hide the anger and disgust he had felt. But things had changed. For him, at 
least. And these days, the thought of Krycek, or the mention of his name, didn't 
upset him the way it used to, and there's no way Scully wouldn't have noticed. 
So he hadn't told her. 
He was pretty certain that Skinner and Scully had not changed their minds about 
Krycek. He wondered sometimes why he had. He tried to persuade himself that it 
was purely because he, as a psychologist, had an interest in finding out what 
went on in Krycek's obviously messed up head, but somehow it had so far not been 
convincing. 
"I asked you a question, Agent Mulder." 
Skinner's voice brought him back, and he noticed Scully looking curiously at 
him. 
"Um, the...uh...last time I saw Krycek? Several months ago. I can't really 
remember..." 
"What about the time when he broke into your apartment, and gave you the 
information about Wiekamp Air Force Base? Was that the last time you saw him?" 
"Yeah...yeah, I think it might have been then. Why do you want to know?" 
Mulder suddenly felt panic rising. They usually didn't discuss Krycek, so what 
was all this about? //Oh God, don't let anything have happened to him// Mulder 
hadn't seen him for six weeks, but he had been on his mind too much of the time 
every day. Too much, because a part of him still felt he should hate Krycek, and 
was utterly confused that he didn't. Then he realized that if Krycek had been 
killed or injured, Skinner would probably be jumping for joy, instead of looking 
furious the way he did now. 
"Because he was brought in for questioning earlier today. He's down in one of 
the interrogation rooms right as we speak." 
"What?! What are they...we, gonna question him for?" 
Mulder felt his heart start beating faster. //Krycek...here, in the building// 
"Oh, I don't know, could it be his specialty...murder?" 
Skinner's voice was mocking, and he looked from Scully to Mulder, then to Scully 
again. 
"Are you okay with this, Scully? You don't have to come with us if you don't 
want to. I know how you feel about him..." 
"Yeah, about the same as you two feel. Come on, we're wasting time here." 
Scully turned around, and started walking out of the small office. Mulder and 
Skinner soon followed. While they were heading for the interrogation room, 
Mulder wondered exactly what murder Krycek was suspected of this time. But he 
already knew that they wouldn't have evidence enough against him, they never 
did. Krycek, and the group of people that he worked for and with, could not be 
considered to belong to the normal world, and neither did the people he killed. 
They rarely made mistakes. 
And there was also the fact that Krycek was nothing short of a computer expert. 
This was something that had surprised Mulder immensily, it just didn't match 
with the image he had of Krycek. But it was nonetheless true. Krycek could hack 
his way into practically anywhere he wanted. He would totally obliterate any 
evidence that a person had even existed, then kill them, which left the FBI with 
very little to go by. Mulder had always admired intelligence. He wondered if 
that's maybe why he was drawn to Krycek, because the man's intelligence not only 
matched his own, but in some ways exceeded it. 
"Okay, let's go in and see if we can bring the bastard down this time." 
//I wouldn't bet on it if I were you, Skinner.// 
They opened the door, and walked into the interrogation room where Krycek was 
sitting, his chair turned so he had his back to them. Skinner nodded to the 
guard to get out of the room, and soon Mulder, Scully and Skinner were alone 
with Krycek, who slowly turned to face them. When he did, his and Mulder's eyes 
locked for just a few seconds. Mulder saw something in Krycek's eyes that he 
couldn't quite read, but whatever it was it was gone when he looked at Skinner 
and Scully. Mulder was surprised to see that Krycek actually nodded at them, 
barely noticable though. 
"So, Comrade Krycek. We meet again..." 
Skinner's voice was practically oozing with contempt, but that didn't seem to 
bother Krycek, who sat staring blankly at nothing. Mulder noticed that Scully 
kept her distance, but looked as if she had a hard time keeping herself from 
attacking the man who in the past had done so much evil, both to her and others. 
Mulder did his best to look indifferent, and Skinner was pacing around the table 
where Krycek was sitting. 
"You're usually not lost for words, Krycek. Don't you have anything to say to 
us?" 
Skinner's voice was still at its most unpleasant, and Mulder was glad that it 
wasn't him that his boss's anger was directed at, he wasn't sure he would be 
able to stand it. The man could really be intimidating sometimes. But Krycek 
kept staring at nothing in particular, looking very distant. For a moment Mulder 
wondered whether he had heard the question or not. Then Krycek turned his head 
towards Skinner, and the look he gave him was one of pure hatred. He looked over 
to where Scully stood, and saw from the look on her face that she must have 
noticed too. When Krycek spoke it was with a voice Mulder had never heard him 
use before. If it had been possible, the temperature in the room would 
definitely have dropped a few degrees. 
"What would that be...Skinner?" 
The way Krycek said Skinner's name could in no way be misinterpreted for 
anything but total contempt. Skinner kept talking though, pretending he hadn't 
noticed. 
"Where were you between 10 am and 2 pm last Saturday?" 
"I was in Pushkin, outside St. Petersburg, visiting my aunt." 
This made Scully start to laugh uncontrollably, but Krycek's expression revealed 
nothing. 
"Alex Krycek, murderer, traitor, liar...should I go on? Do you honestly think 
we'll believe something like that? Do you even have any relatives for real, 
Krycek? Didn't you wipe them out before you came to America?" 
"I was born in America." 
"Oh yeah, I keep forgetting. You're the all around American guy. Well, sorry to 
say it, Krycek, but this country could have done without you." 
Skinner gave Scully a look that both said that she should back off, but that he 
agreed with her. 
"Where were you really, Krycek? And don't play games with us, we're not in the 
mood, alright?" 
"I told you where I was. Believe it or not." 
Krycek started his blank staring again, and Mulder noticed that he was trying to 
scratch at his arms under the table. When he went to stand closer to him, he saw 
that Krycek was handcuffed. 
"Does he really have to have these on?" 
Mulder motioned towards the handcuffs, partially hidden by the table. His simple 
question was met by looks from two very confused people. Both Skinner and Scully 
opened their mouths to speak, but neither seemed to be able to get anything out. 
Finally, Scully spoke. 
"Are you out of your mind, Mulder? Are we looking at the same person here? He's 
one of the most dangerous men either one of us have ever come across. And 
considering what we do for a living, that says quite a lot." 
"He's not armed..." 
"With a gun no! But he still has his hands, for God's sake, and that's enough 
when it comes to this man." 
"Look, there's three of us, he's alone. What harm could it do? How long has he 
had those cuffs on?" 
"I don't know...he was here a few hours before we came to talk to him. What does 
it matter? Christ, Mulder, I hope that's not compassion I can trace in your 
voice. Because if it is, you've *really* lost your mind this time." 
Skinner regretted his words as soon as they came out of his mouth, but it was 
too late. Mulder spun around, walked to the door, and was out before either he 
or Scully could say something. They both stood in the room, not saying anything, 
and mostly looking down at the floor. But when they looked at Alex, they saw 
eyes so filled with detestation, even they hadn't thought him possible of it. 
After only a minute, Mulder returned. He didn't look at Skinner or Scully, but 
went directly to Alex. 
"Stand up." 
Krycek did as he was told, and the other two in the room just stared as Mulder 
took Krycek's hands in his, then started uncuffing him. Krycek looked at him, 
and the earlier look in his eyes had been replaced by something much softer, 
which both Scully and Skinner noticed, but not Mulder. He was too afraid to look 
into Krycek's eyes, he knew the others found this strange enough as it was. But 
he knew how Krycek hated being trapped, and the thought of him having been 
handcuffed for several hours, sent him into a protective mode he didn't really 
care to examine more carefully just then. 
"Sit down, and don't try anything." 
Mulder tried to sound harsh, but was pretty sure he didn't succeed. On the other 
hand, he wasn't even sure he cared. And he was somehow glad to see Krycek again, 
although the circumstances could have been better. 
"You can go on now, sir." 
Mulder looked at Skinner, who glanced quickly at Scully, who wasn't sure exactly 
where she should look. She had somehow gotten the feeling that she had just 
witnessed something that she maybe wasn't supposed to have seen. Skinner coughed 
lightly to make sure his voice would be steady when he began speaking. What 
Mulder had just done had been very inappropriate, but so had his remark about 
Mulder's mentality been, so he would let it go. 
"So, this aunt of yours, she's for real then?" 
"Yeah. So, would anyone care to tell me why I'm in here being questioned?" 
"As if you don't know. Or have you turned so cold over the years, that you 
forget your victims as soon as you've killed them?" 
Skinner walked over to where Krycek was sitting, and hovered over him 
threateningly. Mulder watched from his position in the room, ready to intervene 
in case Alex did try something. But Alex behaved better than most criminals that 
had been in that room, and Mulder got the feeling that he did that only because 
he knew Mulder would get in trouble if he didn't. 
"Last Saturday, two men were found murdered in Rock Creek Park. Witnesses claim 
that the bodies hadn't been there before 10 am and they were found just after 
two." 
Mulder winced slightly when he heard what Skinner said. //*I* was there during 
most of that time last Saturday. What the hell is going on here?// Mulder had 
decided he needed to think, and that he could use some exercise. He hadn't felt 
like jogging, so had taken his car and gone to the park to take a long walk. He 
seldom did that. //And when I do, two men get murdered. What's that all about?// 
Mulder stepped closer to Skinner, and Scully followed. Then he spoke in a low 
voice so that Alex wouldn't hear him. 
"And what has that got to do with Krycek?" 
"Some people connected with the Consortium has an office not too far from there. 
We're keeping an eye on both Krycek and the rest as you know, Mulder. And Krycek 
and his co-workers are sometimes spotted in that area." 
"So, who are...were, these men?" 
"We're not sure. It's very strange, we haven't been able to identify them by 
teeth, fingerprints...nothing. It's like they never existed." 
Skinner looked very puzzled by his own words, as if that was the strangest thing 
that had happened since Mulder started working for him. 
"So, we're questioning him because the Consortium has an office nearby?" 
"I guess...we do have a few other known criminals that we're gonna talk to, but 
basically, at the moment, yeah that's why." 
Skinner was still not so little confused over Mulder's lack of anger towards 
Krycek, and when he looked at Scully he saw that they were probably thinking the 
same thing. He was also frustrated over the fact that, as usual with Krycek, 
they didn't have any evidence. Skinner was pretty sure that Krycek *had* killed 
those men, or if not he probably knew who had. Some agents, fresh from the 
academy and eager to please, had spotted Krycek on a street while on another 
assignment, and had brought him in for questioning. Skinner was still slightly 
confused over why Krycek had let himself be caught, but just thought that maybe 
the former agent was losing his skills. 
"Scully? Any ideas where to go from here?" 
Skinner was not a stupid man, and usually didn't lack own ideas of what to do, 
but now it was starting to feel as if his brain wasn't properly working anymore. 
He just wanted to get out of the room, where his worst enemy sat, someone he 
until then had thought was Mulder's worst enemy too. 
"We'll check the airlines' passenger lists. If he did go there, we should be 
able to find his name. And we'll check for any other evidence we can find, as 
usual. Until we find something...I think we're gonna have to let him go." 
Scully sighed, and for a few seconds both she and Skinner looked as if they had 
been personally defeated. Then Skinner walked towards Krycek, yanked him up from 
the chair and dragged him to the door. 
"Let go of him, there's no need for that." 
Mulder's monotone voice was quiet, yet demanding, and he put his hand on 
Krycek's right shoulder and motioned him out of the room. 
"I'll see you to your car, Krycek." 
"I don't have my car with me." 
"Oh, that's right, they brought you in. Where were you?" 
"On a street not far from here, just outside a park. I go there sometimes...to 
clear my head." 
"Yeah, we all need that sometimes, don't we?" 
Mulder looked at Krycek, who was walking straight forward, but didn't seem to be 
in too much of a hurry to get out of the building. 
"Mr. Krycek. Alex!" 
Both Mulder and Krycek turned around when they heard someone calling Alex's 
name. Towards them came a woman in her early forties, her eyes seeing nothing 
but Alex it looked like. Mulder recognized her as one of the Language 
Specialists, but he had forgotten her name. He was surprised to see a huge smile 
forming on Krycek's lips, and even more surprised when he walked to meet her, 
drawing her in for a tight embrace. The woman beamed just as much as Alex. 
"Alexei. I never thought I'd see you again. Kak dela?" 
"Prekrasno. Kak dela?" 
"U menya tozhe vse prekrasno." 
"Rud slyshat'. And never think that, Natascha, I pop up when you least expect me 
to." 
They both laughed and kept hugging each other, then started speaking in Russian 
again. Mulder took a few steps away, to give them some privacy. Not that it was 
that necessary, he didn't understand a word they said anyway. Mulder had always 
been fascinated by hearing Alex speak in Russian. Considering the fact that his 
English was totally fluent, it sounded slightly unreal to hear him speak in 
another language, and a language so different at that. It also made him a bit 
sad, since he then realized once more just how little he knew about Alex Krycek 
the man, and the life he had had before Mulder had met him. Suddenly he heard 
Alex's voice. 
"Mulder, come over here." 
Krycek was waving at him to come closer, and looked as excited as a child on 
Christmas Eve. Mulder couldn't help but smile, and took the steps needed to 
stand beside Alex. 
"Mulder, this is Mrs. Johnson. Mrs. Johnson, this is Special Agent Mulder." 
They both shook hands, and Mulder took a closer look at her. She was not 
unattractive. Light brown, shoulder length hair, and blue eyes. Then Mulder 
stepped back, and the two began talking again. Mulder felt pleased to just stand 
there and listen to them, he liked it when Alex was relaxed like this. But when 
he looked at him again, he noticed that his face once more had turned to stone, 
much as it had looked in the interrogation room. Mulder wondered why, but when 
he turned his head in the direction where Krycek was looking, he knew. Scully 
and Skinner were walking towards them, both with disgusted looks on their faces. 
When Scully started talking, Mulder realized that she probably regretted having 
been so quiet earlier, and was determined to make up for it now. 
"Trying to hit on her, Krycek? I wouldn't bother if I were you, she's married. 
And even if she wasn't, I seriously doubt she would want to have anything to do 
with you." 
"I'm just talking to her, Scully." 
Krycek's voice was as frosty as Scully's, and they both glared at each other. 
"Yeah, you usually don't get further than that, do you? And why would you? I 
can't think that anyone could *love* a person like *you*." 
Scully emphasized the words "love" and "you", making sure she got her point 
across. Mulder looked at Krycek just in time to see a flash of pain in his eyes. 

"What's this, Mrs. Johnson, is there a Russian tea party going on here?" 
Skinner obviously felt left out and decided to join in, accompanying his words 
with a sneer. Mulder suddenly felt very tired of all the hostility that always 
seemed to surround Alex Krycek, and was glad that at least he had stopped his 
violent behavior towards the younger man. He still had no idea where that would 
lead. If anywhere. But he knew that he had been more pleased to see Alex smile 
and talk happily with Mrs. Johnson a few minutes ago, than he was now seeing him 
turn defensive again. 
"I'm sorry, I was just so glad when I saw Mr. Krycek, I haven't seen him for so 
long. I actually thought he might be dead." 
"No such luck, I'm afraid." 
Mrs. Johnson winced at his words, but Skinner had gathered himself by now, and 
was back to his normal hate-Krycek-as-much-as-possible-mood, and didn't notice. 
"No, we just never seem to have *that* kind of luck here." 
//Oh please, Scully, calm down. I'm sure Alex knows by now how much you hate 
him.// Alex looked at Scully with cold eyes. Then he smiled, and said something 
to Mrs. Johnson in Russian, before turning back to look at Scully, a bored 
expression replacing the cold stare. Scully, Mulder noticed, looked very annoyed 
at not being able to pick a fight with him. 
"Don't you have work to do, Mrs. Johnson?" 
Skinner didn't wait for her to answer his question, making it obvious that he 
didn't care if she had work to do or not, he wanted her away from there, now. 
She quickly hugged Alex again, then stepped back. They said some more things in 
Russian, then she turned and walked away, nodding at Mulder before she did. 
" And weren't you supposed to leave the building, Krycek?" 
Skinner got no reply, only a bored stare, then Krycek turned and walked away. 
"I don't understand how you can hold on to your aggression for so long, 
Skinner." 
As soon as Mulder had said the words, he realized how true they were. He could 
hardly understand how he himself had held on to his anger for so long, even 
after he knew that Krycek hadn't been the one who had killed his father. Mulder 
couldn't deny that Krycek had done some horrible things, but most things that 
had been directed at him personally had had nothing to do with him. The only 
thing that had made him hold on to the anger was that if he hadn't, he would 
have had to face other feelings towards Krycek that were just as intense, but 
had nothing to do with anger. 
And up till very recently, it had scared the hell out of him, but now he was 
just so tired. Tired of not having someone to love, someone to love him back, 
someone to come home to in the evening. And that night six weeks ago, when he 
had come home to find that Krycek had been living in his apartment, he had 
played up his usual anger at first, but then Krycek had seemed so...honest, 
somehow. And although he hadn't said it straight out, he had hinted to Mulder 
that he had certain feelings for him. 
Mulder had thought that was very brave. Mulder would never have been the first 
to admit his feelings like that, it seemed submissive somehow, and it suddenly 
occured to Mulder that it must have taken a lot of courage for Krycek to do it. 
Especially since Mulder had never shown any interest in Krycek, that way. 
//Maybe he's tired of the violence too. Or maybe he's the one person that can 
see through this facade I'm trying so hard to keep up.// Mulder had been deep in 
his thoughts, and hadn't heard Skinner who was obviously annoyed at that. 
"You seemed to be quite far away there for a while, Mulder." 
"Yeah, sorry, I guess I drifted off, I..." 
"Well, I didn't say anything you would be interested in hearing, anyway." 
"Sir?" 
"I only said that what is not easy to understand here, is that you *can't* hold 
on to *your* aggression." 
With that, Skinner turned and walked away, which was a good thing since Mulder 
wasn't sure how he would have answered that. He could have answered truthfully, 
but somehow doubted Skinner would have been very thrilled by that. He started 
walking fast, towards the entrance of the building. When he got outside, he 
looked to the left but didn't see Krycek. He started half running in the other 
direction, and soon spotted him. 
"Krycek, wait." 
Mulder shouted after him, and to his surprise Krycek actually stopped, but 
didn't turn around. When Mulder caught up with him he didn't say anything. 
"Hey..." 
Krycek looked at him, but still didn't say anything, just nodded mutely. They 
both stood in silence for a few minutes. Krycek looked down at the ground most 
of the time, as did Mulder. Mulder could feel Krycek glancing at him, but when 
he looked up to meet Alex's eyes, the other man looked away. 
"I'll drive you home, if you'd like, Krycek." 
Mulder did remember that Krycek didn't have a home in America, but supposed that 
he had a motel room somewhere. 
"Where do you live at the moment?" 
Alex just shrugged, and didn't say anything. Mulder briefly thought that maybe 
he didn't have any money for a room. 
"How's your financial situation, Krycek? If you need some money, just let me 
know." 
Krycek stayed silent for a while, and Mulder wasn't sure he had heard him. 
"Would you really help me like that, Mulder?" 
"Of course. How much do you need?" 
"I don't need any money. I have enough." 
"Oh. Okay. I didn't mean to insult you, I just wanted to..." 
"I wasn't insulted, Mulder. I'm glad you care." 
Mulder didn't know what to say to that, so stayed silent. He realized that the 
silence between him and Krycek was not an awkward one. He didn't mind just 
standing there saying nothing, as long as it was with Krycek he was doing it. 
"Do you?" 
Mulder looked up at Krycek who had an uncertain, yet somehow determined look on 
his face. As if he was trying to mentally convince Mulder to feel the way he 
wanted him to. 
"Do I what?" 
"Care." 
//I more than care, Alex. I just wish I could find the courage to tell you. 
Preferably before it's too late.// 
"Yes, I do care." 
The look Mulder got from Alex after having said those words, was one he had not 
expected. Krycek's face softened, and he looked at Mulder with a tenderness that 
he couldn't remember anyone else ever have done before. Then he stepped closer, 
and looked Mulder deeply in the eyes. 
"I care about you too, Mulder. But I guess you already knew that." 
The words were spoken so softly that Mulder could barely hear them, but the 
meaning of them went straight to his heart. He kept looking into those beautiful 
green eyes, and knew right then that if he let go of this, it would mean letting 
go of something he would never have the chance to have again, and probably would 
never even *want* with anyone else. He put his hand on Krycek's right arm, and 
started walking slowly towards his car. Once there, he opened the door on the 
passenger side. 
"Get in." 
Krycek did what he was told without any objections, and Mulder walked over to 
the driver's seat and sat down. 
"If there's anywhere special you need to go right now, tell me and we'll go 
there. But after that, I want you to stay with me, in my apartment." 
Mulder looked at Krycek, who said nothing but just nodded slowly. 
"My car is parked a few miles from here, I'd like to pick it up." 
"Okay." 
Except for Krycek pointing out the direction for Mulder, they didn't say 
anything to each other during the time it took for them to get to the parking 
lot where Krycek had parked his car earlier that day. Once they were there, they 
both got out of Mulder's car. Krycek went to stand by his own car, suddenly 
uncertain if Mulder had really meant what he said about wanting him in his 
apartment. He wondered to himself how it came that one minute he was convinced 
that Mulder was opening up to him, and the idea of being with him, and the next 
he felt that old, hated insecurity that had been his companion throughout life. 
That insecurity that he felt because he thought that no one could love anyone 
like him, just like Scully had said. It hadn't been a problem till he had met 
Mulder, but now the single most important thing was that Mulder felt the same as 
he did. If he didn't, what would be the point of it all? He needed love just 
like everyone else. But then Mulder approached him, looking straight into his 
eyes, then took something out of the pocket of his coat. 
"Open your hand, Krycek." 
Alex did, and Mulder put the keys to his apartment in the palm of Alex's hand, 
then closed it but didn't let go. The meaning of his action was clear to both of 
them. 
"I have to get back to work for a few hours, but I want you to know that I meant 
what I said. I want you to stay with me, I want you to be there when I come home 
tonight. If you don't want that, I..." 
"I'll be there, Mulder." 
Mulder noticed that Krycek's voice was trembling a little, and realized that all 
this was something new for him, just as it was for himself. He squeezed his hand 
a little before letting go of it. Then he backed away a few steps and stood just 
looking at Alex, who slowly took a few steps forward and kissed him softly on 
his cheek. 
"I'll be there, I promise." 
Then they both got in their cars and took off. Mulder sensed that Alex had 
deliberately used the word "promise". Trust was something that had never existed 
between them in the past, and now they needed to build it up. Mulder knew that 
if Alex was at his apartment tonight as he had promised he would be, they had 
come a long way. Back at the office, he was met by curious and somewhat 
suspicious looks from Scully, and later Skinner when he dropped by. But Mulder 
didn't care, he worked as fast as he could, getting through the case reports he 
needed to finish, in record time. For the first time in his life he actually 
looked forward to going home. 
***** 
He had left work as soon as he could without it looking too odd, and was now on 
the way up to his apartment. It felt a bit strange knocking on his own door, but 
he had to since he had given Alex the keys earlier. Alex opened the door, and 
Mulder felt a rush of happiness surge through him when he saw Alex smiling a bit 
shyly at him. He looked just as happy as Mulder felt, although some of the 
uncertainty that he had shown earlier that day was still there. The sight was 
somehow endearing, but at the same time almost enough to break Mulder's heart. 
"Dinner will be ready soon. I wasn't sure when you'd be home, so I made pizza. 
It just needs to be heated in the oven." 
"I had no idea you could cook, Alex." 
"There are a few things I can make without making too much of a mess." 
Alex smiled at him, and Mulder felt his knees starting to turn into jello. It 
felt weird, and he couldn't remember if he had ever felt like that before. Not 
that it mattered. All that mattered now was Alex, and what was happening between 
them. And he knew he would never grow tired of seeing that smile. //Not only 
does he look gorgeous, but he cooks and cleans as well. Any more surprises 
coming up, Alex?// Alex set the table, while Mulder took a shower. Then they ate 
in silence, both stealing glances at each other. When they were done, Mulder got 
up from his chair and started to clear the table, but was stopped by Alex who 
gently pushed him out of the kitchen, towards the couch. 
"You've been working all day, Mulder. Sit down and relax. I'll clean up in the 
kitchen, then I'll bring you some coffee." 
"But you already made dinner, Alex, I..." 
"Mulder. Just do as I say, alright?" 
Alex's voice was low, and indicated that this wasn't up for discussion. And 
Mulder, who hadn't had anyone taking care of him ever in his life, felt a bit 
weird, but had no real desire to object. 
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to sound harsh, I just...I just want to take care of 
you..." 
Alex suddenly looked confused, and Mulder pulled him in for an embrace, starting 
out with only him having his arms around Alex, but soon Alex put his arms around 
Mulder's back, hugging him fiercely, while pressing his head against Mulder's 
shoulder. 
"It's okay, Alex, it's okay..." 
They reluctantly broke free from each other, and Alex gently pushed Mulder down 
on the couch, then walked back into the kitchen. Ten minutes later he was back, 
handing Mulder a cup of coffee, and sat down close to him, but not so close that 
they were touching. They sat in silence for several minutes, sipping their 
coffee. Then Alex put his cup on the coffee table and leaned back, still not 
saying anything. Mulder felt him looking at him, but when he tried to meet 
Alex's eyes he looked down. 
Mulder couldn't take it anymore, he wanted to be closer to Alex. It had been so 
good holding him, and he wanted that again. He looked at Alex, who sat silently 
with one hand on each thigh, looking down as he did. Mulder looked back, finally 
catching his eye, and felt his stomach clench. Then he tentatively put his left 
hand over Alex's right, and squeezed a little. When nothing happened he got a 
bit nervous, and thought maybe he was jumping things. But then he felt Alex 
adjusting his hand so that their fingers were now laced together. They sat like 
that for several minutes, both squeezing some now and then. 
Mulder couldn't remember ever feeling that way before, and the knowledge that it 
was his former enemy who made him feel this good, didn't take away the sense of 
rightness about it, but added to it. They had come a long way. Mulder looked at 
Alex, who sat looking down at their entwined fingers, and suddenly felt sad 
about all the time they had wasted. He squeezed some extra, and Alex looked up 
at him with something akin to solemn in his eyes. Mulder felt his own eyes 
suddenly filling up with tears. Before he could react, Alex had let go of his 
hand and put both his arms around his shoulders, holding him closely. 
"Ssch, it's okay, Fox, it's okay. I understand...just let it all out...my 
beautiful Fox..." 
Mulder had always hated his name, and never let anyone call him that, but when 
he heard it come out of Alex's mouth, he knew that he never wanted him to call 
him "Mulder" again. He didn't want that distance between them anymore. Mulder 
turned slightly towards Alex and put his arms around him too. They stayed that 
way for several minutes, Mulder letting go of years of anger and suppressed 
emotions, feeling totally safe in Alex's arms. It felt like chatarsis, like a 
new beginning. In the back of his mind, Mulder also thought that this might be 
good, letting Alex be the stronger one, for just a while. He had seemed so 
uncertain before to whether Mulder was really serious about them. But this 
should definitely push away any doubts left. It wasn't like Fox Mulder broke 
down and cried in front of just anyone, and he was pretty sure Alex would 
understand that. 
When Mulder drew back from Alex, but without letting go of him, he saw that the 
younger man's eyes were glittering with tears as well, but he wasn't crying. 
Mulder wondered what it would take for Alex to cry, if he ever did. He started 
to wipe away the tears from his face, but was stopped by Alex, who gently 
started licking his chin, moving slowly up to his right cheek, licking softly. 
Mulder closed his eyes, and felt Alex licking first his right eyelid, then the 
left, and then continue to lick his way down to his left cheek, moaning softly 
while he did. Suddenly he felt Alex licking his way to his ear, nibbling on his 
earlobe, then probing the interior of his ear with his tongue. Mulder couldn't 
help but groan, and felt something stir inside of him. Alex stopped and looked 
Mulder deeply in the eyes, while gently taking Mulder's head in his hands, 
stroking his thumbs up and down his cheeks. 
"I meant what I said before, Fox. I'll take care of you, always. I'll never hurt 
you again, and I'll never let anyone else hurt you, ever..." 
Alex looked at him with such sincerity that Mulder thought he might just start 
crying again, but then he felt Alex's lips on his, touching tentatively, but 
without using his tongue. Mulder opened his mouth, just enough to let the tip of 
his tongue out, and started licking Alex's lips, softly at first, but then more 
demanding. Alex responded immediately, giving Mulder entrance to his warm mouth. 
They kissed for several minutes, and Mulder was surprised at how gentle they 
were with each other, considering their past. But he knew this was how he wanted 
things to be, how he needed them to be. Just the thought of him even slapping 
Alex made him feel disgust. He broke the kiss, although reluctantly. There was 
something he needed to tell Alex. 
"Alex..." 
"Hmm...?" 
"What you just said...that goes both ways. I'll never hurt you again. And no one 
else will either. Not ever. Not ever..." 
Mulder knew that was a truth, if there ever was one. Alex had already been 
through so much pain in his life, and he would make sure that was a thing of the 
past. The past was also something he knew they needed to talk about, so many 
things he needed to know. They had already come a long way tonight, but he 
didn't want any more walls between them, no more secrets. He decided to bring up 
the subject later, when he felt the time was right. And since Alex was now back 
to kissing and licking Mulder's face, he didn't have much choice. 
"Alex...oh, that feels so good..." 
They shifted position so that Mulder was lying on the couch, with Alex kneeling 
between his legs. Alex began pulling off his tie, then unbuttoning his shirt, 
still licking Mulder's ear. Then he moved lower, licking his way down Mulder's 
throat, and caressing his shirt off him. He felt Alex biting down hard on his 
flesh just where the shoulder met the neck. 
"Oh God, Alex..." 
"You're mine now, Fox..." 
"Yes..." 
"Only mine..." 
"God yes...yes..." 
Alex rewarded him by licking where he had just bitten, soothing the pain. Then 
he moved to the other side of Mulder's neck, repeating his actions. 
"Alex...oh God, please..." 
Alex moved down to Mulder's nipples, licking and pulling with his teeth, which 
made Mulder moan loudly. He had never experienced pleasure like this before. He 
started stroking Alex through his jeans, but his hand was gently pushed away by 
Alex. 
"No, Fox. Later. Now just let me take care of you...I'll take care of my Fox..." 

Alex kept licking and biting Mulder's nipples for what seemed like an eternity, 
and Mulder could only writhe under his touch. He wanted nothing more than for 
Alex to take care of his throbbing erection, but Alex seemed intent on taking 
things slowly, and Mulder didn't *really* feel like complaining anyway. When 
Alex said he would take care of him, he obviously meant it in more than one way. 
Just then, Alex moved even lower, licking his way down to the waistband of 
Mulder's pants. Stopping, he looked up at Mulder and held his gaze while 
unzipping the pants, then motioned for Mulder to lift himself a little, so that 
he could pull them off. That done, he pulled his socks off as well, then started 
kissing Mulders cock through the cotton of his briefs. 
"Oh, Alex...oooh...please...please..." 
"Please what, Mulder? Tell Alex what you want...I'll give you anything you need, 
mily..." 
"Please..." 
"Please...stop, Alex?" 
"No, God no..." 
"Please...suck me, Alex?" 
"Yes...yes...please...I need you Alex, God I need you..." 
Alex slowly pulled his underwear off, and sat back on his knees, just staring at 
Mulder's erection. 
"You're so beautiful, Fox...so beautiful..." 
Then he bent forward and took Mulder's whole length down his throat at once. 
"Alex...oh God..." 
Mulder looked down at Alex, whose head was bobbing up and down. He had his eyes 
closed, and looked like he enjoyed this even more than Mulder. Mulder threw his 
head back, and just enjoyed the sensation of having his cock surrounded by the 
wet warmth of Alex's mouth. Then he felt Alex mouth tightening around him, his 
tongue working frantically, and Mulder exploded, emptying himself in Alex's 
mouth. Alex didn't let go of him until he was soft, then started licking him 
clean. Mulder had never had an orgasm like that ever in his life, and couldn't 
move for several minutes. He vaguely felt Alex tongue still licking his now 
sensitive cock for a while before letting go. When he came to, Alex was sitting 
on the floor by the couch looking at him, and stroking his face. He looked so 
adorable, Mulder had to slide down to the floor, to sit beside him. Once there, 
he just took the younger man in his arms and held him tightly for a long moment, 
before standing up. 
"Let's go to the bedroom." 
Mulder held out his hand for Alex to take, then they walked together into his 
bedroom. Mulder threw away some books that laid there, then pulled the comforter 
down. He started unzipping Alex's jeans, and pulled them off together with the 
rest of his clothes. They both got into bed, and lay with their arms around each 
other for several minutes. Then Mulder let go of Alex, and got up on his elbow 
so he could look at him. 
"I want to make it good for you too, Alex." 
"Have you been with men before?" 
"It's been a while..." 
"A while?" 
"Well, twenty years...or something. What about you?" 
"It's been a while for me too..." Alex suddenly looked very shy. 
"Alex...?" 
"You're going to think this is stupid..." 
"If you don't tell me what it is, I can't think anything, love." Mulder looked 
at Alex while stroking his chest. 
"I...since I fell in love with you, I... I didn't really want any men to touch 
me. I was with a few at first, just to try to get over you, and I was with a few 
women, but that didn't give me much either." 
"That's not stupid, love. That's pretty much how I've been feeling too, I just 
denied it far more than you did." 
"Yeah, far, far more..." 
Alex giggled a little, but his words were like a knife twisting in Mulder's 
stomach. Mulder looked at Alex, and saw his pain reflected in the other man's 
eyes, even though he had tried to laugh at it. 
"I'm so sorry, Alex..." 
"Don't think of it, Fox. It's over now. And I wasn't really innocent myself..." 
They both lay quiet for several more minutes, then Alex got up on his elbow, and 
kissed Mulder tenderly. 
"Still want to make it good for me, Fox?" 
"Yes..." 
Mulder practically threw himself over Alex and started kissing his face, then 
nibbled on his earlobes, taking his time with one after the other, making sure 
he licked inside of Alex's ears just as he had done to him. Alex's moans told 
Mulder that he appreciated it just as much as he had. As soon as Mulder started 
to make his way down, Alex tilted his head, baring his throat for him. Mulder's 
cock jumped at that little gesture that spoke volumes to him. He licked Alex's 
throat, just enjoying the taste of him before biting down hard, drawing a loud 
groan from him. 
"You belong to me, Alex." 
Mulder looked down at the man beneath him, and the look he saw in Alex's eyes 
confirmed what he had just said. He was intent on washing away every last bit of 
uncertainty Alex might have about them. They belonged together, period. 
"I belong to you..." 
"I'm the only one who'll ever touch you from now on..." 
Mulder began licking and biting Alex's throat again, marking him as his, just as 
Alex had done with him. Then he slid down Alex's body, taking his time to 
discover every inch of it. He had been dreaming of this for so long. Being close 
to Alex, but without the violence that had always been there in the past. He 
started stroking Alex's thighs, up and down, teasing Alex by only almost 
touching his erection. 
"Oh, Fox, please...please..." 
"I had no idea you could beg so nicely, Alex. Are you hoping you'll get 
something out of it?" 
Mulder stopped his actions and looked up at Alex, whose facial expression was 
the most erotic he had ever seen. Cheeks flushed, mouth half open, and dark eyes 
that looked pleadingly at him. 
"Please..." 
Mulder decided that waiting any longer was not the best option here, for either 
of them, and started licking at the head of Alex's cock, drawing a long groan 
from him. Then he let his lips sourround all of it, and moved up and down. When 
he sensed that Alex was close, he sucked harder, and within seconds Alex came in 
his mouth, screaming his name. He moved up to lie beside Alex, loving how he 
looked after having orgasmed. Then he pulled the comforter up, and cuddled 
closer to Alex, who responded immediately by putting his arm around Mulder's 
chest. Alex fell asleep almost right away, but Mulder lay for a few minutes just 
musing about how well things could turn out sometimes. He knew having a 
relationship with Alex would be difficult to explain, once that day came when 
they felt ready to do that, but he knew it would be worth it. More than worth 
it. 
***** 
Mulder woke up just before 7.00 am, to the wonderful smell of freshly made 
coffee filling the apartment. He got out of bed and walked into the kitchen. 
"What are you doing up so early, love?" 
"Good morning, mily." 
Alex put his arms around Mulder and pulled him in for a tight embrace, then 
kissed him lightly on the lips. 
"A very good morning indeed. Do you have anywhere you need to be today, Alex?" 
"No, but you do. Sit down, breakfast is almost ready." 
Alex finished making breakfast in no time, and served Mulder scrambled eggs, 
orange juice, toast and coffee. 
"Where did you get all this? These aren't things I normally keep in my fridge." 
"I went grocery shopping yesterday. I had to, to be able to make dinner." 
"Yeah...that pizza yesterday was delicious. Do you like cooking, Alex?" 
"Yeah, kind of...I usually just never get the chance." 
Alex poured himself some coffee, and sat down at the table with Mulder. They ate 
breakfast in silence, then Mulder stood up, and was just about to carry his 
empty cup to the sink, when Alex got up from his chair. 
"I'll take care of this, you have to get ready for work." 
Alex took the cup from Mulder's hand, and started clearing the rest of the 
table. Mulder just looked at him, then walked up and put his arms around him 
from behind. 
"You don't have to do all this. I mean, I love you doing it, but..." 
"Get used to it, 'cause this is the way it's gonna be from now on." 
Alex tilted his head back to lean it on Mulder's shoulder, kissed his neck, then 
pulled away from the embrace. 
"You have to get ready now, or you'll be late." 
"Yeah. I'll go take a shower." 
Mulder showered and changed , then walked back into the kitchen where Alex now 
sat reading a computer magazine. 
"I have to go." 
"Yeah..." 
"Last night was wonderful, Alex..." 
"Yeah, it was..." 
Alex got up, and they stood there just kissing for several minutes, then Mulder 
walked towards the door and grabbed his coat. 
"Alex...I have to go now. I'll leave work as soon as possible." 
"Yeah..." 
"You'll be here, won't you?" 
"Yeah, I'll be here..." 
"If you're not, you will make me a very sad man. Do you want to do that, Alex?" 
"No..." 
Alex looked much more secure now, and Mulder briefly thought that their little 
"mating ritual" last night had probably done him good. If Alex had any doubt who 
he belonged to, he only had to look himself in the mirror, and so did he. He put 
his arms around Alex, and held him close, breathing in the scent of him, as if 
gathering strength for the day. 
"Be here." 
With those words Mulder let go of Alex, then slowly walked out of the apartment, 
already looking forward to coming home again. 
***** 
Mulder arrived at work at about 8.30 am, and walked straight to his office. 
Within minutes, Skinner showed up. 
"Good morning, Mulder. Feeling better today?" 
"Sir?" Mulder looked at A.D. Skinner, wondering what he had meant. 
"You didn't quite seem to be yourself yesterday." 
"What do you mean?" 
Mulder knew exactly what Skinner meant, but decided to play innocent. What was 
he supposed to say? That he had sex last night with the prime suspect in one of 
their cases? //And by the way, sir. It was the best sex I ever had// 
"You know what I mean, Mulder. Don't play dumb. What the hell happened here 
yesterday?" 
"I don't know...guilty till proven innocent, sir?" 
"With any other suspect than Alex Krycek, yes. But this *was* Alex Krycek, for 
God's sake! What the hell's going on here?" 
"I don't exactly know what you mean, I just treated him with the normal decency 
he had the right to expect." 
"Apart from probably killing those two men in the park, he killed your father, 
Mulder!" 
"We can't be sure about that...and if he did, he might have had a reason to." 
Mulder looked straight into Skinner's eyes without blinking. He was absolutely 
sure that Alex had not killed his father, but didn't feel like explaining that 
he knew that because he had had several conversations about it with him during 
the years. Some of those encounters had also been very violent, and Mulder was 
more than tired of thinking about them. He had a new life with Alex now, and 
there was no place for violence there, neither in action nor in mind. 
"Mulder...please tell me you didn't say what I thought I just heard you say." 
Mulder looked in the direction to where the voice had come from. 
"Good morning, Scully." 
"Um, yeah, good morning. What was that you said about Krycek and your father?" 
Scully looked so confused, and Mulder just knew he was in for a discussion he 
would have hoped could have waited. 
"I just meant that we don't know for sure that Krycek pulled the trigger. He 
most probably didn't. There's no evidence." 
"There's never any fucking evidence with that bastard!" 
"No. I hate to sound like I'm praising him or something, but he was definitely 
trained properly. Whoever trained him..." 
"Which, um... sort of brings us to what happened yesterday. Have you found out 
anything more about it?" 
Mulder looked at Skinner, and his heart started beating faster //Please, don't 
let them have found out anything, I couldn't stand losing him now// 
"No. I had some people looking into it yesterday after we questioned him, but 
they couldn't find anything. They're still working on it though. God, I can't 
wait for the day we can put that sucker behind bars." 
"Me neither." 
Scully looked as angry and disgusted as Skinner, and Mulder who had known that 
having a relationship with Alex would be hard, realized that he hadn't known 
just *how* hard it would be. Not only would he have to hide Alex from his 
friends, but he would have to hear them talk about him in a derogatory way. But 
deep inside, Mulder knew that some of what they said was right. Alex was in no 
way a saint. He had killed God knew how many people, and Mulder wasn't sure 
exactly what he did for a living now. //I'll have to talk about that with him 
tonight// Mulder had sat down at his desk, and was starting up his computer. 
Skinner was still in their office, looking at him. 
"Let me know how things go, will you?" 
"As if you don't already know." 
With those words, Skinner walked out of the office, and he and Scully were 
alone. Scully was quiet for a while, but Mulder could see her looking at him 
from the corner of his eye. This silence beteween them was something that he 
didn't really appreciate. He honestly hoped that he and Scully would be able to 
stay friends, but wasn't so sure if that would happen. He was after all seeing 
the man that supposedly abducted her, or at least helped in doing it. Just when 
the silence was starting to really bother him, she spoke. 
"What's really going on here, Mulder?" 
Scully looked at him enquiringly, and Mulder was torn between wanting to lie, 
and wanting to tell her everything and hope she'd understand. But he figured it 
was too early for that, so thought that he would just continue to act as if he 
didn't have a clue what she talked about, but at the same time drop a few hints 
if he could. 
"I don't know. What *is* going on?" 
"I have this...horrible feeling that I already know. But I'm too afraid to hear 
you say the words yourself. If you did I'm not sure what it would do to our 
working relationship. And our friendship..." 
Mulder's heart started beating faster. //She can't know, can she?// 
"What is it you think you already know?" 
Mulder tried to sound as if he had no idea what she was talking about, but 
somewhere in the back of his mind, he could vaguely remember telling her about 
that night when Alex had come to...see him. He had taken her with him to Wiekamp 
Air Force Base, and had had to tell her how he had gotten the information. He 
had also briefly mentioned the kiss, but had thought he had managed to tell it 
in a way that suggested that he hadn't been affected at all. Now it seemed like 
she might not have been fooled. He looked at Scully who had an unreadable 
expression on her face. 
"I'm not sure...I have...oh, I don't know...I'm not so sure I want to know." 
"Then maybe we shouldn't discuss this more today?" 
"Maybe not..." 
Scully sat down at her desk, and they worked in silence for the rest of the day, 
neither knowing exactly what to say to the other. Mulder suspected that he, by 
not saying much about it, might have given her a clue, but wasn't sure. He 
didn't want to lose her as a friend, but he didn't want to lose Alex either. He 
just thought that if he took things slowly, things might work out in the end. At 
6.20 pm he felt he had finished the work he needed done for the day. He missed 
Alex and wanted nothing more than to get home to him. 
"I'll leave now, Scully. See you tomorrow." 
"Yeah, see you tomorrow, Mulder. Have fun tonight...whatever you'll be doing..." 

"What's that supposed to mean?" 
"I don't know Mulder. I don't know..." 
Mulder looked at Scully for a few seconds, but couldn't really tell what she was 
thinking. But he somehow had the feeling that maybe she knew more than he wanted 
her to. But if she did, what was he gonna do about it? He decided to just let 
things be the way they were for now. Once it was certain that no evidence would 
be found against Alex, he might tell her. But as for now, he knew that as an FBI 
agent it was most inappropriate for him to have an affair with a suspect, and so 
had to lay low for a while. The longer he stood there, he wasn't so sure he 
cared either, he just wanted to go home to Alex. He knew there were a lot they 
needed to talk about, and tonight was as good a time as any. 
"Well, when you do know...let *me* know. Okay?" 
Mulder looked at Scully, who didn't say anything, but he had a feeling they both 
knew what the other was thinking. He turned around and started walking out of 
the office. Once he got to his car, his mood was considerably lighter. Just the 
thought of Alex, and coming home to him made him happy. //So this is love? 
Hmmm...I think I can live with that// 
***** 
After dinner, they both sat down on the couch, arms around each other. Mulder 
didn't really want to spoil the moment, but knew he had to bring up the subject, 
as he had told himself earlier today he would. They would have to talk about it 
sooner or later anyway, and he somehow sensed that Alex needed to talk about 
things as well, before they could really move on. 
"Alex...we need to talk..." 
"I know." Alex looked at Mulder, pain clearly showing in his eyes. "Fox, I'm 
sorry, but...before we talk, there's something I need to do. I'm so sorry..." 
Alex looked down, and Mulder put his hands on his shoulders, caressing softly. 
"What is it you have to do, Alex?" 
Alex got up from the couch and walked into Mulder's bedroom, where he had a bag 
of some of his belongings that he had picked up at his own apartment earlier. He 
came back and stood before Mulder, looking sad. 
"Stand up." 
Mulder didn't have any idea what he was up to, but did as he was told. Alex took 
the small, black gadget he held in his right hand, and ran it around Mulder's 
body. When he was done he walked into the bedroom again, and put it back in his 
bag. Then he walked back to Mulder, who was standing in the same spot where he 
had left him. They both looked at each other, neither knowing what to say. 
Mulder eventually felt he had to break the silence, and tell Alex that it was 
alright. 
"I understand why you did...what you just did, Alex. I have no right to expect 
you to trust me. I...when you said earlier today that you would be here when I 
got home tonight, I wasn't so sure you would be. I guess I didn't trust you. But 
you were here..." 
"There's no way I wouldn't have been, Fox..." 
"And there's no way I would tape anything you say, and let anyone use it against 
you." 
"I'm so sorry, Fox..." 
Alex was looking down at the floor. Mulder had never seen him look so vulnerable 
before, and it made his heart ache. He sat down on the couch, shifting his legs 
so that Alex could sit between them. 
"Alex, come here." 
Alex looked up, stood staring at Mulder for a few seconds, before walking slowly 
towards him and settling himself on the couch between Mulder's legs. He leaned 
back, and found himself once more wrapped closely in Mulder's arms. He turned so 
that he lay on his side, then wrapped his arms around Mulder. 
"You're not angry at me?" 
"No. God no, I'm not angry...I just wonder, will you ever be able to trust me?" 
"Yes." 
"You sound very certain." 
"I am." 
"Why?" 
"Because I already do." 
"You already trust me? Then why did you check me like that?" 
Alex was silent for several minutes, and Mulder stroked his dark, shiny hair 
while waiting for him to answer. 
"I was almost certain that you wouldn't do anything like that to me, but 
I...I've been doing this for so long. I've never trusted anyone, never had any 
reason to trust anyone. Trust and my line of work are just not compatible. It's 
like it's in my veins or something." 
"That's very sad, Alex." 
"Yeah. But you're not that different from me. Trust no one, right?" 
"Yeah, trust no one... But from now on, can we try to change all that? At least 
between the two of us. Please?" 
"I would want that...very much..." 
"No more lies?" 
"No more lies." 
"And no more games?" 
"No more games." 
Mulder held Alex even tighter against him, and nuzzled the top of Alex's head 
with his lips, loving the feeling of having the man he loved in his arms like 
this. 
"Alex?" 
"Yes, Fox?" 
"I love you." 
Mulder felt Alex tense for a few seconds, but he didn't regret what he had said. 
It was the first time he had said that to anyone, and meant it, and the 
realization of that made him hold on to Alex even tighter, if possible. Alex 
responded by doing the same. After a few minutes Mulder felt something wet on 
his shirt beneath Alex's face. 
"Alex?" 
No response. 
"Baby? Look at me. Please." 
Alex shook his head. 
"Okay, you don't have to look at me if you don't want to. But please tell me 
what you're thinking." 
Alex stayed silent for a little while longer, then started talking with a very 
thin voice. 
"I...no one's ever..." 
"No one's ever what, love?" 
Mulder already knew what Alex was trying to say, but sensed the other man needed 
to say the words himself. //Then we can move on. You'll never feel alone and 
unloved ever again// 
"Said they loved me...no one's had any reason to, I guess..." 
"I suppose we really are alike then..." 
Mulder said the words as much for himself as for Alex, who now finally looked up 
at him, shaking his head slowly. 
"God, Fox, we're screwed up aren't we?" 
"I guess...but at least now we can be screwed up together." 
Mulder smiled at Alex while stroking his hair. Alex smiled back, but only 
shortly, then he turned serious again. 
"Together...I like that." 
Alex got up from his position to stand on his knees between Mulder's legs, and 
looked him straight in the eyes. 
"I love you too, Fox. God I love you...so much...I'll take so good care of you, 
mily..." 
"We'll take care of each other, Alex. Always." 
"Always..." 
Alex lay down between Mulder's legs again, and Mulder thought he might have 
fallen asleep, when he felt Alex's arms tighten around him. 
"I want to tell you everything, Fox. I'm just...I'm afraid that things might 
change between us..." 
"What would change?" 
"You have to understand, Fox, that I've done some...things. Quite recently too. 
I wish I could say it was all in the past, but I can't." 
"I know, Alex. Let's just take things step by step, okay? I want to know about 
those men in the park. Who were they?" 
"You seem awfully sure that I did have something to do with that." 
"Come on, Alex. Remember what we talked about? No games." 
"Fine...no games." Alex sighed, but didn't show any sign of starting to talk. 
"Alex..." 
"Okay...I won't tell you everything bad I've done in my life. Not now. Most of 
that had nothing to do with you anyway. And the things that did, you already 
know about, and I'd rather not go into that. Is that alright with you?" 
"For now..." 
"Okay... " 
Alex didn't say anyting for a few moments, he had hoped this moment wouldn't 
come. But he knew Fox wasn't going to let it go. 
"Already when I went to Quantico, I knew that I wouldn't be a normal FBI agent. 
I already had connections with the Consortium. Strong ones too." 
"In what way?" 
"My father worked for them. He and my mom had a really hard time when they first 
came to America. I'm not really sure how, but they made contact with Cancerman, 
who sort of took them under his wings. I still don't know exactly what kind of 
work my father did for him, but I guess he was spying for them somehow. They 
needed someone who spoke Russian, and could go to Russia to deal with the 
contacts they had there. Then I was born. I already had an older brother, 
Vasilij. They named me Alexei, but called me Alex, since it sounded more 
American. Anyway, I grew up, went to school like any other kid and so did my 
brother. Then when I was 17, he was killed. I didn't find out why till later..." 

Alex was clenching at Mulder's shirt, as if to hold on to the one sane thing he 
had in his life. Mulder stroked his hair while speaking softly to him. 
"It's okay, Alex. You don't have to tell me everything tonight." 
"I want to. I want to get this over with." 
"Have you ever talked to anyone about this?" 
"No...who would that be?" 
"I don't know, I just..." 
"There's nothing to talk about really. The only reason I tell you, is 
because..." 
"Yeah...?" 
"Well, you know...what we talked about. No more lies..." 
"I'm glad you take that seriously." 
"I take *us* seriously." 
"Me too, Alex..." 
Mulder continued stroking Alex's hair till he felt the younger man was calm 
again. 
"Why did they kill your brother, Alex?" 
"Apparently my father had betrayed the Consortium. Instead of giving them the 
information he was supposed to give, he only told them bits and parts of what he 
found out." 
"Was he really working for the Russians instead?" 
"I guess..." 
"So the Russians had found out that he was spying on them, and made him work for 
them instead?" 
"Yeah...they found out, and forced him to work for them, or they would kill all 
of his family. But somehow Cancerman found out, and to show who was in charge, 
he killed Vasilij. He threatened to kill my father and my mother too, and me." 
"But...?" 
"But they said that if they could have me, they wouldn't do it." 
"If they could have you?" 
"Yeah...from when I was 17, I was raised by the people of the Consortium." 
"Where?" 
"They have...or at least had, a large house in Springfield. Anyway, when I began 
at Quantico, I already knew what was expected of me. They sent me to Russia for 
some extra training as well." 
"Extra training?" 
"Yeah. How to kill people without leaving any evidence behind, different *ways* 
to kill people, stuff like that..." 
"Stuff like that, huh?" 
"Look, Fox...I'm sorry if I sound cold, but I was back then. My parents had been 
forced to move back to Russia, and they kept telling me that if I didn't do 
well, something would happen to them. I couldn't risk that. So I shut my 
feelings off. I didn't have many friends, and the ones I had, I lost...Cancerman 
and his ...assistants... sort of implied that any people I spent time with, 
apart from them, would have something happen to them. So I was all alone, 
basically." 
Alex turned silent again, and several minutes passed. 
"Well, you know what happened after I joined the FBI. I betrayed you...but. 
..please don't misunderstand this, Fox, but to me it wasn't betrayal. I was 
doing what I had been trained for years to do. I had to work for Cancerman. By 
the time my training at Quantico was over, they had found more relatives of 
mine. My father's sister and her two kids. Just before I started working with 
you, they killed her son just to let me know what was expected of me..." 
Alex shivered a little, and Mulder held him closer. The psychologist in him 
silently thought that it was a small miracle that the younger man wasn't even 
more mentally unstable than he already was. And this was only the beginning. 
"Go on, baby..." 
"Well, the years after that I worked for the Consortium, killing and threatening 
people that didn't do as they said, driving them around, and..." 
"And...?" 
"They had you under surveillance." 
"I kind of figured that out quite a while ago." 
"Well, actually, they had *me* have you under surveillance..." 
"Oh..." 
Mulder tensed involuntarily, and immediately felt Alex's arms tighten around 
him. 
"Please, Fox...listen to me, just hear me out...please..." 
"I *am* listening. It just feels strange to know that you...you know..." 
"Yeah, I know..." 
"Did they tell you to do it, or did you volunteer to do it?" 
"Does it matter?" 
"I guess not..." 
"Actually they had someone else on the job first, but he was too busy taking 
long breaks visiting prostitutes, so they, um...fired him." 
"And replaced him with you?" 
"Yeah. I didn't want to at first..." 
"Why not?" 
"I didn't like invading your privacy like that..." 
This caused Mulder to start laughing. 
"Yeah, yeah, very funny...traitor with a conscience..." 
"I'm sorry, Alex, but with all the things you've done..." 
"I didn't have any feelings for any of the others." 
"Oh..." 
Mulder wondered for himself if Alex had fallen in love with him when they were 
partners. Mulder had, that's why the betrayal had hurt so much. But things were 
slowly starting to feel better now. He just wished that he had known back then, 
he might have been able to help Alex, which would have saved them both a lot of 
pain. 
"When was this?" 
"I'm not sure how long you had been under surveillance before I was told to 
continue. But when I did, it was about a year after we came home from Russia." 
"Russia..." 
"Yeah...don't we have lovely memories?" 
"A few years from now, we will have." 
"A few years...?" 
"If I have it my way." 
"I didn't know you were such a romantic at heart, Fox." 
Alex looked up at him smiling, and Mulder felt his arms tighten around the other 
man, as if they had a will of their own. 
"Believe me, neither did I..." 
"Should I be flattered?" 
"Take it any way you want it, love. I still have no idea how things turned out 
this way, I'm just glad they did." 
"Yeah...me too..." 
They stayed silent for a while, before Mulder hesitantly started speaking again. 

"So...am I still under surveillance?" 
"No." 
"No? No, I'm not under surveillance by you, or no, I'm not being surveilled at 
all?" 
"You're not being surveilled at all." 
"Why? Am I not interesting anymore? Not a threat to them? Should I be insulted 
here, Alex?" 
"You should be relieved if anything." 
"Oh...would you care to explain that?" 
"There is no one around to be interested in you anymore, Fox. At least no one 
who's any threat to you." 
Mulder tensed, and once again he felt Alex's arms holding him tighter. It was as 
if he thought that every wrong thing he said, would make Mulder leave. 
"Do I dare ask why...?" 
Mulder realized that what he was doing here was very unethic. An FBI agent 
having a private conversation with a suspect, and with no intention whatsoever 
to give any information to his superiors. Whatever it would turn out to be. 
"Well, let's just say it kinda brings us to the two men in the park." 
"Go on." 
"They...when they didn't get the information they wanted from you, they...they 
got upset..." 
"It's no wonder they didn't get any information out of me that way. The things 
they want to know are not things I talk about anywhere but outside the office 
and my apartment." 
"I know...but *they* thought you were a confused enough person to do it." 
"Well, I might be confused, but I'm not stupid, which I would be if I did that." 

Alex chuckled a little, and Mulder felt that special surge of happiness charge 
through him, that always did when he heard Alex laugh. 
"I know you're not... Anyway, they ordered me to...to kill you..." 
"Oh...why? Couldn't they just let it go? Accept that I didn't have what they 
wanted?" 
"You're funny, Fox..." 
Alex sounded amused, but there was a tint of seriousness in his voice. 
"No, they couldn't let it go. They got angry. Frustrated. For them it's a 
revenge, killing people who don't give them what they want." 
"So...I'm still alive...what happened?" 
"What happened? I'd had enough, that's what happened. No way was I gonna kill 
you. You're the only thing that..." 
"That what, Alex?" 
"That kept me sane during the years. The thought of you...I hoped that maybe, 
maybe..." 
"Maybe...?" 
"All the times you hit me...that it was because...because maybe you felt 
something, and couldn't express it any other way." 
"You're not wrong about that, Alex. It *was* the only way I could even touch 
you, without letting my real feelings show. But I obviously failed..." 
Mulder laughed, a sad little laugh. It was still hard for him to think about all 
the violence he had put Alex through during the years. 
"Yeah, Fox. You did." 
Alex laughed too, but his sounded more sincere, and Mulder thought he took it 
very lightly. 
"I knew you had *some* feelings for me, just not that they were...like this." 
"What's "like this"?" 
"Better than anything I could have ever expected. Or dreamed of..." 
"Did you dream of me, Alex? I had no idea." 
"Oh yeah, I dreamed..." 
Both Alex and Mulder drifted away in their own thoughts for a while. Mulder was 
somehow pleased to find out that Alex had thought of him as well, when they 
weren't together. //So it wasn't just me then? Nice to know.// 
"So. You didn't kill me. What did you do?" //Not that I'm so sure I should 
know.// 
"I did nothing really. And Smokie obviously found out, as the weeks went by and 
you were still around." 
"What did he do?" 
"He assigned two of the others to do it." 
"Two of the others?" 
"Yeah. I think you can put one and one together here, Fox." 
"Those two...were they the two men that were found in the park?" 
"I always loved your brilliant mind, Fox." 
"So. You killed them. Did Cancerman tell you he had assigned two other men to do 
your job?" 
"No. I can get into pretty much any computer system I want to. I always knew 
about what was going on within the Consortium. Besides, I kinda figured that he 
would have someone else do it, when he realized that I wouldn't. So I followed 
you. Simple as that." 
"Simple as that, huh?" 
"For me, yeah. I followed you the day I knew they were gonna try, and...well, 
you pretty much know the rest." 
"I guess..." 
Mulder didn't know exactly what to say anymore, so he just held Alex close to 
let him know that everything was still okay. //He saved my life, putting his own 
at risk in the process. He must have...right?// 
"Alex...when you didn't kill me, weren't Cancerman upset? I mean, weren't you 
known for doing your job quick and efficiently?" //Oh dear, once again I'm 
complementing Alex Krycek on his murdering skills// 
"Oh yeah, he was upset. Let's just say he's not around to be upset anymore." 
Mulder couldn't believe what he was hearing. Cancerman? Dead? No, things 
couldn't be that good. Could they? 
"Alex. Did you kill him?" 
"I had to..." 
"You had to?" 
"Yeah, or he would have killed me. He doesn't like paying people who don't do 
their job, so he decided to...get rid of me, so to speak." 
"What happened?" 
"We were in his office. Talking. At least that's what he made me believe. Or 
tried to make me believe, I should say. I've never trusted him one second. 
Anyway, I noticed he pushed the button on his desk which connects to another 
room in the office building, where his bodyguards are. I knew they were coming, 
and probably to kill me." 
"What did you do?" 
"I shot Smokie. It wasn't hard. I've never hated anyone the way I hated him. He 
destroyed my life." 
Mulder noticed that Alex was trembling slightly, and kept holding him close, to 
make sure he knew he was safe. 
"Go on, love." 
"I knew his two bodyguards were coming. I just waited in Cancerman's office till 
they did. And then...I did what I had to do, basically." 
"Okay...I can't believe I'm gonna ask this, but...did you make sure you didn't 
leave any traces?" 
"Yeah, they probably won't find them at all, but if they do...no, they won't be 
able to trace anything back to me." 
"What about the men in the park? How come you left them there?" 
"I wasn't going to, but...some people came and, well, I had to leave. I'm not 
sure if you're familiar with my technique, Fox, but I usually take care of most 
things before I even kill people, if I can. You know, erasing their identities 
and stuff, so if someone finds a body or two, that doesn't worry me. If not, I 
do it afterwards." 
"Where did you learn so much about computers, Alex?" 
"When I grew up, I didn't have much else to do after school, since I didn't have 
any friends. So I just sat by the computer half of the day, figuring out stuff, 
and so." 
"We could use someone like you in the FBI." 
"Tell that to Skinner." 
They both laughed at that, knowing there was no way Alex would ever work there 
again. Not that he wanted to. 
"So, Alex. Is that all?" 
"That's all you need to know for now, Fox. I know I promised to be honest with 
you, but I didn't promise to tell you everything. At least not at once." 
"Fair enough." 
"Yeah, especially since you haven't told me anything about you." 
"About me?" 
"Yeah..." 
Alex nuzzled his face to Mulder's chest, then looked up at him, an honest, 
somewhat shy smile on his face. 
"I really want to get to know you, Fox." 
Mulder kissed the top of Alex's head, and inhaled the scent of him. Alex smelled 
manly, but not overly so. Clean, but with a touch of the natural scent of sweat 
that made Alex smell like...Alex. If anything was intoxicating to Mulder, this 
was. 
"I want to get to know you too, Alex. I just still can't believe it took us this 
long to get here." 
"Maybe it wasn't meant to be before." 
"Why, Alex. Do you believe in fate?" 
"I have to do now, don't I?" 
"What do you mean?" 
"There's no way this would have happened unless...unless it was meant to happen. 
I know it sounds weird, but...oh, I don't know." 
They lay silent on the couch for several minutes, both thinking about what 
strange turns life took sometimes. 
"I think I know what you mean, Alex." 
"Good. Are we done talking for tonight then?" 
Alex's hands were on their way south before Mulder could answer, and soon he 
found his pants pulled down to his ankles and felt a very obliging Alex taking 
him into his mouth, making him hard in no time. //Yeah, I think we're done 
talking for tonight.// 
***** 
Three weeks went by, and Mulder found himself smiling at anyone and anything, 
without even thinking of it. Alex always got up to make him breakfast every 
morning, and his...their apartment had never been so clean. At first Mulder had 
thought that that time almost two months ago when Alex had been living in his 
apartment, he'd been dusting and vacuuming just to piss him off. It would have 
been just like the Alex back then to do something like that. But obviously, Alex 
*didn't* like mess and disorder. And Mulder had to admit that it was rather nice 
to come home to a clean apartment and a gorgeous boyfriend...man... who had 
dinner ready. The word "domesticated" kept popping up in his head, but Mulder 
knew deep down that he could only dream, and hope, that Alex would ever be fully 
secure in his life. But as long as he knew he was secure in Mulder's life, it 
would have to do, for now. 
"Fox, I need to talk to you." 
They were sitting on the couch, as usual after dinner, watching t.v. and 
cuddling. 
"What is it, love?" 
Mulder squeezed Alex shoulder with one hand and stroked his hair with the other. 

"I have to leave..." 
Mulder froze as soon as he heard the words. He couldn't believe what he was 
hearing. 
"What do you mean, you *have* to leave?" 
"It's just for a while." 
Mulder relaxed, but just barely. For a minute there he had thought that Alex had 
meant leave, as in leave for good. 
"Where do you have to go?" 
"To Russia." 
"Oh. Will you be visiting relatives?" 
"Um, no..." 
Mulder noticed that Alex was stalling, not sure if he should tell Mulder what he 
was up to or not. 
"Alex...remember what we said about lying." 
"Why do you think I'm trying to tell you what I'm gonna do?" 
"Exactly what *are* you gonna do?" 
"It's um, business related..." 
"What business would that be? I thought that part of your life was over, Alex." 
Mulder's voice was harsh, and he pulled his arm away from where it was wrapped 
around Alex's shoulders. He didn't look at Alex, but if he had, he would have 
seen the hurt look on the younger man's face. 
"It is. This is just one last thing I have to do. No more after that, I 
promise." 
"Promise..." 
Mulder knew that he sounded slightly contemptuos, which wasn't fair to Alex, but 
he couldn't stop himself. 
"Fox, please, can't you just..." 
"Can't I just what?" 
"Listen to me. This is just one last thing I have to do, then it's over." 
"I thought it already was over." 
"I think I did tell you that time when you came home early and surprised me, 
that I had some business to finish in Russia." 
"Yeah, but I haven't heard a word of it since then." 
"I'm sorry, it's just that I wasn't sure if I was gonna do it or not. I am now." 

"So what you're saying is that you've been taking care of your own little 
business from here, while I've been at work trying to stop people like you?" 
"Oh, we're back to that are we? People like me." 
"Alex, what do you expect..." 
Mulder didn't have time to finish before Alex had jumped out of his seat and 
slammed the door to the bedroom. //Damn. I really need to choose my words more 
carefully.// Mulder stayed on the couch for at least an hour, staring at the 
t.v. without seeing anything. His heart ached in a way he'd never felt before, 
and he was close to tears. He felt like Alex had betrayed him all over again, 
which was obviously very stupid. After about half of the time sitting on the 
couch he had realized that, but he was not gonna give in easily. If he wasn't 
anything else, he was stubborn as hell. 
And obviously, so was Alex, because he hadn't come out of the bedroom yet. //I'm 
not taking the first step here. I'm not...// But Mulder found himself glancing 
at the bedroom door, wishing Alex would come out. After one more hour he 
couldn't take it anymore. He went to the bedroom, where he found Alex lying on 
his side of the bed with his eyes closed. Mulder didn't think he was sleeping, 
but wasn't sure. He lay down beside Alex, who immediately curled up to him and 
put his head on Mulder's chest. 
"I'm sorry, Alex. I shouldn't have said a thing like that." 
"It's okay, Fox. I really should have told you." 
"Yeah, you should have, but I still had no right to talk to you like that." 
"At least you didn't hit me." 
Mulder could feel Alex smiling against his chest. 
"Don't even joke about that, Alex." 
"Sorry..." 
"When do you have to leave?" 
"Tomorrow evening." 
"How long will you be gone?" 
"It shouldn't take more than two weeks." 
//Two weeks. Two weeks of not holding Alex, kissing him, making love to him. And 
on top of that, I'm gonna have to worry about him too. Oh, this is gonna be 
nice...// 
"And when you come back...?" 
"Yeah...?" 
"Are we gonna at least try to live a somewhat normal life?" 
"A normal life...? Yeah, I think I could enjoy that. For a change, if nothing 
else." Alex laughed softly, but Mulder hadn't missed the longing in his voice. 
"I think I could really enjoy that too, you know." 
They lay silent for yet another while, just holding each other. Mulder tried not 
to think about that tomorrow night he wouldn't have Alex in his arms for the 
first time in weeks. It was not a pleasant feeling. 
"So, Fox. Do you think maybe we should make the most of the time we have left?" 
Alex had gotten up and sat on his knees on the bed, looking at Mulder 
expectantly, with an intensity in his beautiful, green eyes Mulder knew was only 
ever there when he looked at him. 
"We've only been together for a few weeks and you already know I can't refuse 
you anything... nice work, Alex." 
Mulder looked tenderly at Alex, who gave him one of his breathtaking smiles, 
that lit up all his face. Mulder decided to push away the thought of Alex 
leaving for now, and give him what he needed. What he himself needed. 
***** 
Mulder had to get up at 7.00 as usual, and as usual Alex had gotten up before 
him to make breakfast. When Mulder came into the kitchen, Alex was standing by 
the sink preparing coffee. Mulder sneaked up from behind and put his arms around 
the younger man, who immediately melted into the embrace. Mulder had early in 
their relationship noticed that Alex liked to be held. Tightly. And he felt just 
the same. It was as if they both were making up for the lack of love that had 
always been a part of their lives. 
"Who's gonna make me breakfast now that you'll be gone? And dinner? Two weeks, 
Alex. There might not be anything left of me when you get back." 
"You're not an invalid, are you?" 
Alex chuckled, and tilted his head to look at Mulder, who took the oppurtunity 
to kiss his forehead before speaking. 
"In the kitchen, I pretty much am, I'm afraid." 
"You know what? I'll go grocery shopping later today, and all the food I bring 
home is gonna be gone when I get back, or I'll be very upset." 
"Oh dear, he's threatening me..." 
"If that's what it takes for you to take care of yourself when I'm not here to 
do it, then that's what I have to do." 
They sat down and ate breakfast. Mulder could hardly get anything down. He had a 
knot in his stomach, that had been there since he woke up. He still hadn't asked 
Alex exactly what he would be doing in Russia. He wasn't sure if he wanted to 
know, and Alex hadn't told him. But he would ask him when he came home again. He 
suddenly felt Alex's hand over his own on the table. 
"What are you thinking of, mily?" 
"You know what I'm thinking of." 
Mulder looked at Alex, and squeezed his hand. He could see the other man was as 
close to tears as he was. 
"Yeah... I'm so sorry to do this to you, Fox..." 
"As long as you didn't lie to me when you said it was the last business you had 
to take care of." 
"I didn't..." 
"Good..." 
None of them could eat anymore, so they just sat at the table, holding each 
other's hands, neither wanting to be the first to let go. But Mulder knew he had 
to leave for work, so got up and stood before Alex, drawing him in for yet 
another embrace. They both clung to one another almost desperately, gaining 
strength for the weeks they would be alone. Mulder couldn't remember feeling 
this kind of pain ever before. It wasn't like when he had gotten shot. Or 
punched. It was far, far worse. And he was so scared that Alex wouldn't come 
home to him again, that something would happen to him. 
"You will be careful, Alex, won't you?" 
"I have a reason to now, don't I...?" 
"Yes, you do. And don't you ever, ever forget that, Alex. Not for one second." 
Mulder kept holding Alex, who slowly raised his head from Mulder's shoulder to 
look him in the eyes. 
"You know you're the best thing that's ever happened to me, don't you, Fox?" 
"I do now..." 
"I love you." 
"I love you too." 
It took Mulder all the willpower he had, to let go of Alex. But he knew if he 
didn't do it, it would only get harder for every second that passed. He went to 
the door and put on his coat. All the while he could feel Alex looking at him. 
He didn't want to do this. He didn't want to leave, knowing that he would be 
alone again when he came home tonight. But what choice did he have? //Two weeks. 
Just two short weeks, then it's all over.// He gathered Alex in his arms one 
last time, and kissed him tenderly. Then he turned around, and without looking 
back, he was out the door. 
************************* 
End
TMTD Part One